There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize