its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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