I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
