Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
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