Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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