Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
