Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
