i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
