i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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