Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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