You just made me feel so damn special
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
