All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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