I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
