its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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