I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
