smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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