I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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