I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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