the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize