There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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