Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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