i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just forgot I was standing up.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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