OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize