i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Holy shit dude........stairs
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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