I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
