two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
