p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
