i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
