my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
