she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
