Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
