Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my being single is dangerous.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
