The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
