I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
