She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize