Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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