So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
