The beer is more important than you right now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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