he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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