I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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