fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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