I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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