I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize