I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
