I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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