If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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