Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
