Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize