life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
