I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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