Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
one two three fourrrrnication!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
