yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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