why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
