Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
