I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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