The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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