my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
