Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
