there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
