I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
