Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
