i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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