I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
