Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
