We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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