I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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