Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
