can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
