how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
