You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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